10:50 p.m. - And Baby Daddy makes four
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In a surprise turn of events, the baby daddy is coming on Tuesday. My mom is really nervous, and I am slightly so. He had originally been coming to take Lila and me to New York for Christmas, but it looks like that won't happen due to California's unemployment department's recent issues (no checks issued, no money). So now he is going to spend Christmas with us, and may even possibly stay for good. His plans change every five seconds, so I'm not sure what will happen. I'm just hoping and praying that I won't have to go to New York. I am way too pregnant and exhausted for that. The baby will be here in a month - if that! It's time for me to relax. Speaking of which, one good thing of BD coming is that he can help take care of Lila. It's been really hard, chasing after a one-year old. She gets into everything and I am constantly having to get up and down, run here and there....you get the picture. I am so big I can barely move, so this is extremely difficult for me. It is not much easier for my mom, who is 64 and has really bad knees. She does what she can, but I need even more help. I am hoping Sean will be the answer to that. I am also hoping that we can start couples counseling while he is here. I am not sure that we are or will be a couple, but we need to learn how to talk and interact without everything exploding. We have many more years of dealing with each other, together or not, because of the children. I am really tired of the fighting and the up and down, back and forth. I just want some peace. I got a little bit of money, so I went on a big maternity shopping spree this weekend. I came to Oregon with capri jeans, t-shirts, and sandals. I had nothing warm to wear. I bought a bunch of sweaters, and even found a cute maternity jacket. It seems a bit of a waste, since I will only be pregnant for another month or so, but at least I am not freezing to death. Or have to resort to wearing my mom's big, shapeless sweaters (sorry mom). Now I have no money left, and am not sure what I will do for Christmas presents this year. I will make sure that Lila and my immediate family has something to open, but I can't do anything fancy. It sucks, but that's the reality of my life right now. I think I am going to get my hair cut tomorrow. It is just boring and blah. I want to cut it short again, to mid-neck or even chin-length. Not super practical in this weather, but it's time for a change. I got like this when I was eight months pregnant with Lila as well. Your body gets big and swollen, and you definitely don't feel beautiful (at least not this pregnant lady), but I want to attempt to at least look decent. That's all I really had to say. My life is not that exciting these days. I'll make sure to let you know when something interesting happens. Til then..... Anne |