-Henri-Frédéric Amiel

It's been a looong time. I thought I'd give up my online diary completely, but I have had it for so long, why throw it all away?

Speaking of throwing things away, I am leaving my ex-fiance/boyfriend/baby daddy....whatever you want to call him. Or shall I say, I'm leaving him AGAIN. Seriously, my life has become a nightmare. Living paycheck to paycheck, having my heart broken almost daily by this asshole I stay with for God knows what reason, and the police have been at our apartment too many times to count. I have such a white trash life, and I used to be such a classy girl. What the hell happened to me?

But the long and the short of it is that I have been through a really dark time in my life, and I am starting to come back out of it. I am moving, I am filing for custody of my baby, I'm going to start going to them gym again, I'm going to hang out with my friends again, I'm going to start treating myself to manis and pedis again (when I can afford it)....all the things I once loved to do, but have not because of this relationship. Slowly but surely, I am starting to do them again.

The best part of my life, of course, is my daughter Lila. She is sixth months old, and is big and happy and gorgeous. She is just so happy and sweet and mellow - nothing like either her dad or me. But then again, maybe that was what we were like, too, before life experiences fucked us up big time. She has two teeth, she is rolling over, and she makes the cutest little growls and razz noises. I love her. Being a mom to her has been easy. Everyone says that I am a great mother. I have always loved children and have been nurturing, but I still wasn't sure. But being a mom is great. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Anyway, I'll keep this catch-up entry short, but I will try to update more often. Til next time...

Anne